Buffalo haven't got wings!

Ok so, since we aspire to be from Western New York, and some of us have grown up on Anchor Bar/authentic Buffalo Wings, we secretly love hot hot orange sticky finger foods.  But we hate animal cruelty and ecological ravagement.  So we thought, there will never be any trashy bar food in our futures.  BOY WERE WE WRONG!

Review: Morning Star

If there's anything we can't stand it's imitation meat.  Or so we say.  Somehow, after a few too many sub-zero nights and a few too many Labatt Blues/Genny Cream Ales, our favorite thing to do is to dance around a toaster oven full of steaming TVP. Morningstar Farms veggie Buffalo wings inspire a veritable ballet from freezer to plate.  They are spicy as all hell, a spice that not even cheap beer can overcome.  They have a bite--it's the sort of spring-back between the jaws that perhaps you thought only animal flesh could deliver.  But there it is--springy! full of protein! unnaturally orange!  And suddenly it's like ordering Mr. Shoes on a blistering summer day in Seabreeze!  Our complaints are few: 1. is that these wings aren't wet.  Alas, at Morningstar science has unlocked the secret to soy-based chicken wings, but not to the frozen-yet-wet food. 2. We don't know how to make TVP do that at home.  We can make fucking killer black bean burgers, breakfast "sausages" or basically whatever, but shreddy, fibrous, chickeny wings remain a mystery.

Sloppy Joes-in development

Tonight our very own Sloppy Joe made his first vegan sloppy joes. They were delicious, but the recipe is still in development. Here it is as we made it. We served it on french bread, which isn't vegan, so we didn't feel remiss adding a little colby jack, with a side of sweet potato fries.

Sloppy Joes
2 cups dry TVP
half a block of extra-firm tofu
1 can of black beans, rinsed
half a yellow onion, diced
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 packet of Meijer sloppy joe powder
3 tbsp olive oil
2 oz tomato paste
1/3 cup apple cider vinegar
1 tbsp dijon mustard
2 tbsp ketchup
2 tbsp beer
1 tbsp cumin
a pinch of rubbed sage
1.5 tsp ground mustard
a pinch of onion powder
1 tsp hot togarashi powder
a pinch of salt
a pinch of pepper
Prep time: 30 minutes

Sweet potato fries
1 sweet potato cut into fries
2 tbsp olive oil
pinch of curry powder

pinch of nutmeg

1. Pour boiling water over the TVP and let it soak until soft. Oven should be preheating at 425.
   
2. Brown the diced onion in olive oil over med. heat. Salt generously.
   
3. Add the TVP and tofu. Mash the tofu until it's in tiny crumbles. Add the seasoning packet.
4. Add black beans.
5. Toss sweet potato with olive oil, nutmeg and curry powder. Throw them in the oven when it's up to temperature. Cook for 10 minutes before turning and cooking for another 10 minutes.
   
6. When the things in the skillet are hot but not cooked all the way through, add ketchup, mustard, and spices.
7. Add beer and let that cook down a bit.
8. Add tomato paste, vinegar and a little more olive oil. All the while keep mixing the stuff until it's sticky and holds together, but still wet and sloppy like a Manwich.
   

Results: that shit tasted like a meaty sloppy joe. Next time I don't think we'll be using the Meijer brand spice packet. For one thing, there was hardly enough to cover all the proteins, and for another it wasn't very strong. The ketchup, beer, and dijon mustard made it all a touch too sweet. Eventually we added enough vinegar and cumin to make the sweetness unnoticeable. Also the togadashi powder made it spicy, in a good way, but not in an all-american way. Leave it to Joe, that pinko.

The sweet potato fries kicked ass as usual.