Buffalo haven't got wings!

Ok so, since we aspire to be from Western New York, and some of us have grown up on Anchor Bar/authentic Buffalo Wings, we secretly love hot hot orange sticky finger foods.  But we hate animal cruelty and ecological ravagement.  So we thought, there will never be any trashy bar food in our futures.  BOY WERE WE WRONG!

Review: Morning Star

If there's anything we can't stand it's imitation meat.  Or so we say.  Somehow, after a few too many sub-zero nights and a few too many Labatt Blues/Genny Cream Ales, our favorite thing to do is to dance around a toaster oven full of steaming TVP. Morningstar Farms veggie Buffalo wings inspire a veritable ballet from freezer to plate.  They are spicy as all hell, a spice that not even cheap beer can overcome.  They have a bite--it's the sort of spring-back between the jaws that perhaps you thought only animal flesh could deliver.  But there it is--springy! full of protein! unnaturally orange!  And suddenly it's like ordering Mr. Shoes on a blistering summer day in Seabreeze!  Our complaints are few: 1. is that these wings aren't wet.  Alas, at Morningstar science has unlocked the secret to soy-based chicken wings, but not to the frozen-yet-wet food. 2. We don't know how to make TVP do that at home.  We can make fucking killer black bean burgers, breakfast "sausages" or basically whatever, but shreddy, fibrous, chickeny wings remain a mystery.

Japanese Salad Dressing

I just made this salad dressing in order to use up some fresh lime that was about to be not so fresh, and because I'm tired of my old standby, honey mustard.  It goes something like:

a cm of fresh ginger
the juice of 1/2 a lime
a  tbsp daikon, shredded
1 heaping tbsp miso paste
1 1/2 heaping tsb mayo
tsp soy sauce
dash of rice vinegar

Mix that shit together in a jar.

I blanched the ginger for about 3 minutes, but it was still so spicy and strong that I ended up using maybe as much as a mechanical pencil eraser.  I smashed and ground it.  Perhaps dried ginger freshly ground would be better, but certainly not ginger powder.  I also thought of using pickled ginger but was afraid it would be too cloying.  The daikon doesn't add much flavor but it adds a certain coolness and a nice weight and texture to the mixture.  My salad consisted of romaine, roma tomato, shaved carrots, red onion, red pepper, and an avocado that actually sent me to the emergency room (two stitches where my pinkie meets my palm, and thats why me da always told me to cut away).  Three hours after I started to make the salad (most of it spent in the waiting room), I finally got to try it and it was out of this world! My roommate Malcolm called it, "fucking delicious and I'm not just saying that" if I remember correctly.  If Joey brings any wasabi paste back from Mitsuwa in Chicago, then I would really like to try spicing this recipe up!

Leeks Risotto

I had my first risotto in Derry, Northern Ireland, so I think it was probably the furthest thing from real risotto ever. A note about NI cuisine: the food is charming, much like Americans find Italian food charming.  But it takes all of the bad of American Italian, like saucy, oily, covered in cheese, with none of the good, like flavor or herbs or freshness.  Nonetheless, it was one of the best meals I had in my six months in NI.  I've been craving it for two years, but was intimidated by the prospect of making it at home.  After searching a few recipes, here is how I adapted it:

Leeks Risotto
Leeks-2 large or 3 small (couldn't afford the nice, fat, organic ones)
1 red onion (I used 1/2 of a monstrous huge one)
2 cloves garlic
1 cup arborio rice
1/2 cup (1 oz basically) of dried wild mushrooms (I had about 1/4 of a 4 oz bag left, but I would definately use a half or even a full bag in future)
2 cups vegetable broth
3/4 cups Chardonnay room temperature (no nasty swill wine, something you wouldn't mind drinking even if you hate white wine--I chose Wild Horse)
1/2 cup of cream (I would probably use heavy or whipping cream in future)
splash apple cider vinegar
tbsp butter
tbsp olive oil
dash basil
dash of thyme
salt and peppa

serves 2-4 (depending on if your seconds-types)
prep time: 2 hours (probably because it was my first time and I was pretty disorganized.  I think next time it will probably take me 45 minutes- 1 hour.

1. First thing to do is prepare the leeks mixture, which can be done up to a day ahead.  Cut all but the dark green off.  Cut the leeks longways in half.  Turn them on the flat side and slice into 1/8 half-moon slivers.  Soak these in a bowl of water and drain.  They are hella sandy, so feel free to repeat the soak and drain cycle a few times.
2. Soak the mushrooms in a measuring cup with one cup of water for at least an hour so that you get a nice, dark, mushroom broth. Take the mushrooms out, chop them, and set them aside. Pour the broth in a saucepan.  Add veg broth and start cooking on low heat.
3. Put some butter in an iron skillet and throw the leeks in.  Sprinkle salt over the leeks and keep the heat med-low so that they caramelize.  Don't stir too much.
1. I wasn't sure how long it would take to caramelize leeks, so I did them in a separate pan from the onions. It worked out well that way, and did not create extra dishes, as you will see, although it might have saved some energy on my part.
4.  Do the same thing with the onions: slice thinly and caramelize in olive oil over med low heat in a giant pan.
5. Take the onions and toss them in with the leeks. Add garlic and rehydrated wild mushrooms, and probably some more butter to keep it from sticking at this point. splash in vinegar. Use the oniony oil left in the other pan to sautee the arborio rice for a few minutes.  Stir the rice constantly or it will burn.
1. Note: some recipes told me to sautee for 10 minutes or until translucent, others said only 1 minute.  My theory is that they get translucent right before they get white again, and the center never really changes color, so don't necessarily look for them to be see-through. I sauteed for 7 minutes.
6.  Add the white wine and keep stirring while the alcohol cooks off.  Right before the rice gets dry again, add a half-cup of your now steamy vegetable and mushroom broth (The broth has to be hot or it will shock the rice and stop it from absorbing more liquid).
7. Turn the heat down on the leeks and onions pan and add the cream.  Make sure it doesn't scorch, and when it is reduced, take it off the heat even if your rice is nowhere near done.  It will get hot again when you mix them together.  You could even do this another day and refrigerate it so as to cut the prep time down.
8. Keep ladling 1/2 cup broth as the rice absorbs the liquid.  When the broth is all gone, the rice should be al dente.
9. Mix the veggies and the risotto together.  As you are folding the veggies in, they should heat back up, and so should the risotto get a tiny bit softer (unless you love al dente rice, which I don't).
10. Top with shredded parmesan and fold until the whole thing becomes a coagulated mass of deliciousity.

Results
Risotto was a hit! I had Joe in tears!  I felt like the rice was a tiny bit underdone, and I'm not sure if that had something to do with not sauteeing it in enough olive oil or for long enough, or what.  Upon reheating for seconds, it was perfectly tender.  My other query is: should the Chardonnay be warmed like the broth?  I feel like if you bring it up to the temp of the rice, then you risk reducing the alcohol out before it has the chance to bring the rice to life.  Next time I will definitely be using fresh herbs, but all I had on hand was dried this time.  Still, I can't think of anything quite as delicious as fresh lemon-thyme in something like this.  I really wanted to use lemon juice and zest too, but I was out of lemons.  The acid from the vinegar was meant to substitute for lemon juice, and I bet balsamic would have been just as good or better in its place.

This is maybe the second time in my life that I've had leeks, and the first time I cooked with them and I couldn't believe how deliciously buttery they are!  Next time I think I will use heavy whipping cream to really bring out the creaminess.

Overall though, this was a super first try.  It wasn't even as hard as I make it sound either.  The most important thing is to get the rice steps in order, but do the vegetables however it will make it easiest and cleanest for you.

Baby's first pickles!

So neither Joe nor I have ever made pickles and sometimes we're just not really into recipes, so this recipe is still in development.

"BreadnButter" or Something Pickles
1.5 English Cucumber
1 red onion
1.5 square inch fresh ginger
4 cloves garlic
shit-ton of salt
1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
1/4 cup white distilled vinegar
1/2 cup white sugar

Actual prep time: 10 minutes
Wait time: 2 hours
Makes two jars worth of pickles

1. Slice the cucumbers into 4 large rounds, then julienne those (about the thickness of a slice of onion).
   
2. Slice the onion into long strips (about the same length as the julienned cukes).
3. Put these in a bowl and cover it with salt.
4. Crush and mince garlic and ginger and put it in the same bowl, adding some more salt.
5. Leave these in the fridge for like 30-60 minutes (I could barely stand to wait longer than 30 minutes).
6. When these come out, they will be about half the size by volume that they were originally.  
7. Mix the two types of vinegar and the sugar until the sugar is dissolved. 
8. Stuff the vegetable matter in a mason jar and pour the vinegar/sugar mixture over it. Lid it and put it back in the refrigerator for an hour.

January cleaning prompts separate pickle shelf (yes the labels are necessary)

Results: So I know that I didn't do the proper sanitation procedure for canning, but these pickles were gone within two days because they were so good. Another thing is that they were less crunchy each day.  I think maybe this had something to do with the fact that I used iodized salt instead of canning salt.  I'm not actually convinced that canning salt is any different than table salt, maybe someone can shed some light on that topic for me.  As for the taste of the pickles, the ginger infused the cukes and onions so thoroughly that it made me want to cry with joy every time I took a bite.  I think four cloves was just the right amount of garlic too, although these were pretty small cloves.

Sloppy Joes-in development

Tonight our very own Sloppy Joe made his first vegan sloppy joes. They were delicious, but the recipe is still in development. Here it is as we made it. We served it on french bread, which isn't vegan, so we didn't feel remiss adding a little colby jack, with a side of sweet potato fries.

Sloppy Joes
2 cups dry TVP
half a block of extra-firm tofu
1 can of black beans, rinsed
half a yellow onion, diced
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 packet of Meijer sloppy joe powder
3 tbsp olive oil
2 oz tomato paste
1/3 cup apple cider vinegar
1 tbsp dijon mustard
2 tbsp ketchup
2 tbsp beer
1 tbsp cumin
a pinch of rubbed sage
1.5 tsp ground mustard
a pinch of onion powder
1 tsp hot togarashi powder
a pinch of salt
a pinch of pepper
Prep time: 30 minutes

Sweet potato fries
1 sweet potato cut into fries
2 tbsp olive oil
pinch of curry powder

pinch of nutmeg

1. Pour boiling water over the TVP and let it soak until soft. Oven should be preheating at 425.
   
2. Brown the diced onion in olive oil over med. heat. Salt generously.
   
3. Add the TVP and tofu. Mash the tofu until it's in tiny crumbles. Add the seasoning packet.
4. Add black beans.
5. Toss sweet potato with olive oil, nutmeg and curry powder. Throw them in the oven when it's up to temperature. Cook for 10 minutes before turning and cooking for another 10 minutes.
   
6. When the things in the skillet are hot but not cooked all the way through, add ketchup, mustard, and spices.
7. Add beer and let that cook down a bit.
8. Add tomato paste, vinegar and a little more olive oil. All the while keep mixing the stuff until it's sticky and holds together, but still wet and sloppy like a Manwich.
   

Results: that shit tasted like a meaty sloppy joe. Next time I don't think we'll be using the Meijer brand spice packet. For one thing, there was hardly enough to cover all the proteins, and for another it wasn't very strong. The ketchup, beer, and dijon mustard made it all a touch too sweet. Eventually we added enough vinegar and cumin to make the sweetness unnoticeable. Also the togadashi powder made it spicy, in a good way, but not in an all-american way. Leave it to Joe, that pinko.

The sweet potato fries kicked ass as usual.

Holy SHIT healthy Spinach and Artichoke Dip

We made this dip for our playoffs party.  Colts shred Ravens like Joey and Jocey shred cheese!  We served it with blue and white corn tortilla chips and it was a huge hit.

Spinach & Artichoke Dip
1 cup finely grated gruyere
1 cup finely grated parmesan
.5 quart of plain whole yogurt
a bunch of fresh spinach, chopped or a bunch of frozen spinach, thawed, drained, and chopped
1 sweet yellow onion, diced
3-5 cloves of garlic, minced into paste
2 tbsp olive oil
almost a whole jar of artichoke hearts in olive oil

paprika 1/2 tsp
coriander to taste (I use a pinch)
cumin to taste (I use at least a tsp, probably more)

Prep time: how fast can you grate cheese?  No seriously it takes like 10 minutes to make, but a while to bake.

1. Heat up some olive oil and toss in the onions, cover with salt and sautee on low heat.  After several minutes of cooking, add the coriander and cumin.
   
2. Preheat the oven to 425. Mix the yogurt and cheese in a glass loaf pan.
3. Chop the spinach and toss it and the minced garlic in when the onions are getting tender.  Since it takes like 2 minutes to wilt spinach, just make sure the onions are mostly cooked but with a little bite left to them.  The garlic should be a paste: mince the garlic, sprinkle sea salt on it, and drag a knife over the salt until it grates the garlic into mush.  Because it is so fine, it needs very little time to cook, so be careful it doesn't brown.
4. Meanwhile rough chop the artichoke hearts, and mix the hearts and everything from your skillet into the yogurt mixture.  Add the paprika, and more cumin if you feel like the onions didn't get enough.
5. Bake at 425 for 45 minutes (it will not be hot through, it will be more like warm.  If you want it hot, like I did but could not wait for, bake for at least an hour).

 
Results: I call this dish healthy because I use yogurt instead of sour cream.  Yogurt has about 150 calories per cup, whereas sour cream has about 60 calories for 2 tbsp.  2 tbsp is only like a handful of chips worth of dip.  That's ridiculous, kind of like the Ravens losing 3 to 20 in a playoff game.  I'm not sure that parmesan and gruyere are very healthy, but they seem healthier by virtue of being European, rather than American cheeses.  One thing is: don't forget to chop the spinach.  Think about how wet spinach sticks together: once it's wilted, it's going to be in a clump.  Next time I think I might add some fresh tomato on top.

Not Tofurkey

Man fuck tofu on Thanksgiving.  It's not that I'm not thankful for it, but it's not a substitute for meat!  It's a protein meritorious enough not to be disguised as something I for one wouldn't want to pollute my body with anyway (yeah I said it, although you probably don't even want to fight about it because you're too tired from your tryptophan and over-eating induced siesta).

So me and Joey made a variation on a common holiday theme: stuffed squash.

HolyshitI'msothankful for Harvest Vegetables!

1 butternut squash cut in half (be careful!)
4 oz of nice semi-soft chevre
1 honey-crisp or other apple that can stand up to medium high heat
1 red onion
1 beet
4 tbsp olive oil or butter
4 tbsp apple cider vinegar
a few sprigs of thyme
fresh nutmeg
1 clove garlic
1 in. cube fresh ginger

1. The first thing to do is get the squash and beets a-roasting cuz that shit takes forever.  Preheat oven to 400 while you cube the beets.  I always leave the skin because in it, 'all the virtue of the vegetable is contained.'  Toss them with olive oil and vinegar and roast until they pass the fork test.
2. While that's going on, scrape all the seeds out of the squash, and also about an inch wide trench in the long part.  These can be roasted in a glass pan with a 1/2 inch of water surrounding the bottom.
   
   
   
3. Dice the onion, get that browning in large skillet with a couple tbsp of olive oil.
4. Add crushed ginger about 5 minutes before the onions are tender.
5. Add a splash of vinegar and the crushed garlic about 3 minutes before the onions are tender.
6. Add the leaves of thyme and cubed apple bits.
7. Add grated nutmeg about 2 minutes before everything is all tender and starting to really mingle.
8. Stuff the squash with the mix, and sprinkle chunked chevre over it.

This can easily be wrapped and popped in the oven or microwave around the time that your meat-eating family members are nearly ready to take the turkey out.

Results:  I like this better than the version I usually make with acorn squash, although I like the look of acorn squash better because it's like an individual bowl, and this you have to share and divide in weird ways.  The beets are the most beautiful fuschia against the yellow of the squash, and they taste exceptionally sweet and tasty with the apples.  The tarter the apples the better I say, and that tartness is emphasized by the vinegar.  I think next year I will use a balsamic reduction instead of apple cider vinegar.  A lot of people asked me rather pointedly just what our entree was at this past Thanksgiving, but even with the enthusiastic and elaborate descriptions I'm partial to, this dish just really needs to be tasted.